What is it about childhood that we are simplifying?

Has anyone told you that parenting is simply about getting back to the good old days? I mean, didn't we live in harmony and land of make believe when we were children? Weren't our parents better than the ones today? And wasn’t it simpler?

So I don't often get caught up in the online discussion of "how it use to be". I'm so happy that far more families today have access to clean water and our access to education amongst other thing ... yet as a parent even I feel myself saying "they don't make them like they used to" –a bit cliched but still kinda true- BUT...is that all there is to simplifying childhood? Should we just be celebrating nostalgia and wishing for a simpler time or should we be actively looking at our current ways of doing things and aiming to improve what we can?

Because I get why parents want to simplify their children's childhood. They see their children being pushed, pulled and expected to do so much by so many. They see the physical toll it is taking on their children, and they wonder if those magic years are being stolen from them in order for their children to compete in some future world that may or may not exist.

As mothers we have expectations on how easy parenting should be or how much our little one should be learning and growing. But what if there is no right or wrong way to do things or if one thing is not better than another? Want to try a different approach?

Video - What are we simplifying?

Transcript

Simplifying childhood podcast, while always simplifying doesn't matter, are we going back to the simple good old days? Or is it something else entirely? Welcome to the simplifying childhood podcast where we simplify parenting, play, and everything child development. I am your host, Tiffany.

All the show notes for today's episode are over my website, www.simplifyingchildhood.com.au/podcast/5

So what I want to talk to you about today is what is the simplifying childhood podcast? What does it mean to simplify childhood? And am I just putting some rose coloured glasses on about the good old days? Or is this more than that? Hint, it's. 

Simplifying the expectations on our children

So simplifying childhood podcasts. And the concept of simplifying childhood isn't about the good old days before technology before the computers before the laptops before the internet before this where I could talk to you. It's not about that. It's about the expectations. It's more than that again. So simplifying, childhood first starts with the idea that what we need to do, this is my own opinion, what we need to do so bear with me, is simplify the expectations that we have, firstly, on our children, now, our societal expectations on our children. And I don't mean, to play and have the expectation that I mean that we need to simplify these learning expectations that they need to, you know, walk by 12 months that they need to, and there are definitely developmental milestones and norms and things like that.

But the pressure that comes with that, that if my child doesn't walk by this age, or doesn't do this, at this time, they're a failure to remove that expectation that everybody needs to read at the same point, right at the same point, they don't, that everybody needs to end…  does develop on this same linear pathway? And it just, that's how it works. 

That's not a simplifying childhood, is bringing it back from these big societal expectations of what our children should do, to look at our own individual children, to look at the children in front of us for who they are, as a whole person, not as a developmental checklist. 

Simplifying childhood is about taking this curriculum that we have for early childhood and childhood in general, where we have to fill them with knowledge. And focus on what really matters, connection, respect, and values. And the learning will come. 

As a society, broad-brush statements here, so please bear with me. We have we want the best for our children, we really want the best for them. We want to have children that succeed and are happy. That's our goal. And I'm making a broad generalisation that that's the goal that we want. But to achieve that, there's this drive to push them through these checklists, and these gates, and the earlier the better. 

Simplifying childhood challenges that; do children need to achieve everything that we have set out every expectation if you got a pen and paper, and I challenge you to do this. 

Get a pen and paper and write down everything you expect your child to be able to do by what age.

And I'll give you an example. 

My husband expected my daughter to know her colours by two. Why don't know he just made that number. And that's what he expected. Do you expect your child to share it two and a half? Do you expect that your child will be able to read and write by the age of six? Do you expect that they know their times tables? Do you expect that they can name every person on the you know Australian money? Write down all of them. And then really critically look at that list. And notice how many you can come up with. I expect my child to walk; I expect them to say sorry; I expect them to share; I expect them to eat all their vegetables.

All these expectations that we place on our children, and then look for the ones that really matter. Look for the ones that lead to what you define as success, not society, but what you define as success. Look at the ones that are going to bring them peace and joy.

And how many can you cut off that list? I bet you can cut off some. And then I challenge you to cut off some more.

There is this concept that more is better earlier is better. The more they learn the better. The earlier they learn the better. Why? The research doesn't back what the science doesn't back that. And I question is that because that's how we see ourselves as parents, as if our child is doing well, we've been a good parent. 

The challenge to that is, parenting is judged by the actions of the parent, not the actions of the child. 

So simplifying childhoods, reducing those expectations, focusing on what really matters, and accepting that that is different for every family and every child because we're looking again at the individual child in front of us, not at the societal expectations. The second part of that simplifying childhood is about simplifying what we want for us as parents, oh, there's a third added a third dangerous territory. 

Simplifying our expectations as parents

So the second one is about the expectations for us as a parent, when we find out we're having a child, and when a child comes into our lives, the expectations are intense. Breastfeed bottle feed night, we closely don't co-sleep safely. You Google any topic, the amount of opinions, the amount of expectations, the weight of that is so heavy, and so hard to carry as a parent, day in, day out. 

And again, that's because that challenge I gave to you are we viewing our our worth is apparent by our children's actions or our own. But the expectation is to get it perfect, not to ruin or screw up our children. The expectations, we place on ourselves to do things differently, potentially to how we were parented the expectations on ourselves to make sure that we give our children our all because they are our most precious things. We love them more than anything. 

And I totally, totally get that. 

But reducing some of those expectations that we place on ourselves allows for more joy within motherhood and for our children and more play. And the expectations become so heavy. 

So simplifying in childhood is about simplifying those expectations we place on ourselves. So that same challenge, where you write down what you expect from your child and their ages, write down what you expect from yourself. I'll give you some examples. I expect that regardless of my child's emotions, I'm always calm, and I expect that I always come, that's unrealistic. But that's an expectation I place on myself. I expect that I am always present. I expect that I teach my child how to read. I expect that my child can read early. And these expectations I have in myself. And I know that I'm having them sitting here challenging them with you. But then I can start to question why. And for me, some of that is because I am here I have degrees; I have experience. And I feel that I should; don't miss out on the shoulds; I feel like I should be in control and I feel like I should be able to manage every situation and I feel like I should be able to teach my child as a teacher. And I feel like I should be able to guide my child earlier because I am a teacher with experience.

But realistically their expectations that by placing them on myself I take away the joy in the parenting. I do that to myself. So what expectations are you placing on yourself? That may or may not be realistic. Write them down take that journaling process of actually writing down those expectations and questioning? Are they serving you or not? Can you simplify the expectations that you are placing on yourself because simplifying childhood is about simplifying our expectations when they're simplifying their expectations of us as parents. 

Simplifying Educational Expectations

And the third one I want to touch on is simplifying expectations as educators. And that is because as an educator, you have got frameworks curriculums to me. And everywhere I turn, it's "'Oh, they should be teaching that in schools, or they should be teaching them in schools." How? when? 

So the expectations that we place on our educators is that they have to manage a room of 25-28 children, the different needs, emotions, abilities, of each individual child levels, all that they need to then teach those children I think seven or eight curriculum areas, plus the social and emotional well being and life skills, curriculum that's not in the other curriculums. And there is an overcrowding of that. And then there's the expectation that they're communicating with everybody. They're doing all the paperwork they're doing, the drafting, the editing, the support, the meetings, all of that. And then we add more to the curriculum. 

And for me, simplifying childhood is actually bringing it back to at the end of it when our children leave school when our children leave our homes, what do we want them to be able to do? Do I want them to be able to, as I said earlier, name everyone on the Australian nights? Or do I want them to be able to budget effectively? Do I want them to be able to name every date in wobbles? Or do I want them to understand the political systems that have led us to where we are today? Do I know how to vote and who to vote for? To be able to critically think about who to vote for not just to vote for who we say, but to actually have a critical thought about it? Do we want them just to follow along with something? Or do we want them to have the power within themselves and the critical thinking skills to actually stand up and say, "This is what I'm doing, or this is what I believe" or "That's wrong. That's not what we do. That's not how we treat people." 

Do we want our children to be able to support others, to make the world a better place to change the world? And if we do want those things, then we need to simplify the expectations on recalling the dates on knowing everything about everything on the overcrowdedness, we need to reduce that expectation that the job of school. 

And this is a this is the crux of the issue I've got there, that the job is school is to fill our children with knowledge, or is the job of education to equip our children for life? 

And their two different goals, because filling them with knowledge means they can regurgitate facts that we can check. Preparing them for life means they're critical thinkers, problem solvers, and they have skill sets. 

So simplifying, childhood comes back to simplifying what we expect of them, and the expectations that we're placing on our children that need to rush and fill with knowledge and tick those boxes. It's simplifying our expectations on ourselves as parents, that we don't need to be perfect and do all this. And always do it and should should should, for our children to be successful and happy in life. And then as an education front, simplifying childhood is about pushing back, what is actual focus on the knowledge or focus on the skills on what is the actual outcome of education? And that is a massive question for another podcast, I'm sure. 

So simplifying childhood is bringing back those expectations, focusing on what really matters, and maybe in some of those shoulds. We should, we should, we should. 

This has been a very big episode, a lot of things to mull over and process and think about, take up those challenges, get your pen write down those expectations, and really reflect on whether or not they're serving you and your child and schooling and learning. So this is what the simplifying childhood podcast is about. I am your host Stephanie. If you want more on this topic, head over to my Instagram, Instagram simplifying childhood. Send me a message. Let me know what stood out for you. What was the expectation that you realised you could cross off your list? And I'll see you next week.